Monday, June 9, 2008

14 things I learned watching "Legally Blonde: The Musical - The Search for the Next Elle Woods"

1) LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL is the best musical ever, including the works of Stephen Sondheim, Leonard Bernstein, Gilbert and Sullivan and Puccini.

2) Elle Woods is the greatest role ever devised for the stage. It makes Lady Macbeth look like a non-speaking spot in a regional tampon commercial.

3) Seriously, LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL is great. You should probably get tickets to it.

4) Elle Woods is the most demanding role ever visited on an actress. Laura Bell Bundy must be the offspring of the Energizer Bunny and God On High to perform this role every night.

5) Laura Bell Bundy is the offspring of the Energizer Bunny and God On High. Seriously. Sometimes she doesn't even show up for the show, and the audience still gives her a standing ovation. She's that good. I heard she made Meryl Streep consider a career in air conditioner maintenance.

6) I just checked, and there are still tickets to LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL. You're gonna want one of these things.

7) Laura Bell Bundy is so good that, literally, the only person in the world who could possibly succeed her in this role is one of fifteen amateurs, many of whom gleefully acknowledge that they aren't really triple-threats, but maybe only double-threats, or maybe just really threatening singers.

8) Paul Canaan is qualified to cast a Broadway show, despite the fact that his biggest role to date was Clo-Clo in LA CAGE AUX FOLLES. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, eight times a week, he gets to dance with six other guys somewhere in the vicinity of Laura Bell Bundy.

9) Paul Canaan really wants a TV show. Like, for serious. Has Sean Hayes or, I don't know, Carson Kressley passed on a project you pitched recently? Offer it to Paul. He's literally waiting for your call right now.

9) LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL.

10) Hayley Duff apparently got some experimental plastic surgery where they replaced her entire face with the face of a thirty-five-year-old Las Vegas showgirl.

11) Bernie Telsey is an extremely intelligent, knowledgable, thoughtful and experienced casting director.

12) Bernie Telsey makes Heather Hach and Paul Canaan look like Bernie Telsey's interns.

13) LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL is the best LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL to ever LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL.

14) It's okay for a TV show to have a title that's 11 words long and contains two punctuation marks.

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