Isaac Newton

Isaac Newton was awesome and let me tell you why. In fact, let me make a ten point list as to why.


1) As a boy, he threatened to set his mother and stepfather's house on fire and burn them alive

2) He created calculus and then didn't tell anybody about it for 27 years.

3) As a student at Cambridge, he never once finished an assigned book.

4) He was an undercover detective.

5) While he was Warden of the Royal Mint, he conducted over 200 interrogations leading to 10 executions and then ordered that all records of the interrogations be destroyed.

6) He committed more time to the study of alchemy and theology than he ever did to science or math.

7) He did groundbreaking work on orbital mechanics and then lost the papers he had written it down on.

8) He once did an experiment where he stuck a thick sewing needle into his eye socket between the eyeball and the bone just to see what would happen.

9) He also one did an experiment where he stared at the sun for as long as could just to see what would happen.

10) He would often wake up, swing his feet out of bed and then sit for hours, overwhelmed by his own thoughts, unable to move.


Oh, there was also no apple. Gravitational mechanics just came to him.